There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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