You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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