I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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