final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
