im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
