She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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