Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
