Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
