Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
