The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
