Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
