When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
