1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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