he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
