With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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