I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
