kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
