I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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