i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
