someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
