I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
