I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
