best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
