I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
