I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
