Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What a dumb baby whore.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
