Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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