I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
