Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
