Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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