I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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