so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
