I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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