just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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