my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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