What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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