I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
