Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
