btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
