It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
