is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
