I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
