Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
