FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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