What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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