The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
