i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's just like the Real World with babies
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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