4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
