I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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