she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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