Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
