How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
