..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
