I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
